Hello Blogosphere, this is ~drew and I’m back!
Today I want to talk about getting triggered by anxiety. I am struggling with this today, as I write. This week I had a meeting that was disappointing. I was informed that I was not adequately performing at my place of employment. This message was not easy to hear. But that aspect is not what i want to illustrate. What happened before and after is the subject of this blog.
I saw that I had a meeting with my boss in four days time. I immediately when into a panic. At first I thought, “Oh shit, what did I do?” But then my thoughts turned deeper and darker. As the days progressed, I lost all confidence in myself. I berated myself for every little thing that went wrong, even stupid things like dropping a pencil. When I went to sleep, the thoughts tucked me in. When I awoke, they brought me coffee. All throughout the day I ran scenarios in my my head about what I did wrong, and what my response might be when confronted. On and on I obsessed about this meeting. 10 minutes before the meeting I felt sick. I thought “I’m a loser. I’m a failure.”
The meeting ended up being a very specific change in my performance that my boss needed to see from me, Fair, right? In my mind, I was already there. But if he needs to see changes, then I will comply. But why all the build-up? Why did I put myself through torture for four days? And why, days later, do I still have lingering, non-descript anxiety?
These are all the questions that are swirling around in my cranium a I type this blog. WHY?????
The next question I have is this: what are you going to do about it ~drew?
I have been in counseling for years. I have developed coping tools—things I know will work to calm down my “crazy-brain”(as I refer to my mind when I get triggered).
I don’t have a counseling appointment scheduled for a week, so I am basically on my own to utilize my training to handle this myself, my anxiety SWAT team. SWAT stands for Special Weapons and Tactics, and that is exactly what I need. Truth be told, some of these I should have been doing for awhile as a preventative, but alas, when my mind is clear, and that tightness in my chest goes away, I get complacent. “I’ve got this.” No you don’t!
My plan of action is built around things that calm me and/or bring me joy.
Here is what my plan of action is, starting right now:
Write about it. Share in my blog.
Meditate at least 5 minutes every day. Start slow and build. But commit.
Exercise at least 5 minutes on off gym days. This helps regulate “crazy-brain”
Play guitar at least 5 minutes a day. Start slow and build. But commit.
Listen to uplifting podcasts at least once a week, instead of binging on the (bad) news.
Nurture ~drew, nurture.
As I was preparing to write, this article popped up in my feed. The timing was perfect, so I thought I would share.
I hope you all are well.