Along the way, I have tried to kill this thing. My battle with depression has coincided with the music going silent throughout the years. The downside is the worst pain. Again, trying to explain this pain to people is futile. It makes me feel alone in the world. A friend introduced me to a book about 15 years ago that has giving me understanding on how to live with this thing. It’s called Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. I use it a guidebook. It too has saved my life.
I have made attempts at a music career a few times over the course of my life. I made a demo 20 years ago and sent it out to record companies. I also played open mics all over LA for about 5 years. I had a band that fell apart in the late 90’s.
The past 12 years I have concentrated on raising a family of my own. My musical aspirations has taken a backseat to my familial obligations. Rightfully so. I have played live only twice in this period. I get really bad stage-fright and have been avoiding that feeling. It is time to get over those feelings, and get out there again. It is what I truly love. It is who I am. I can do it!!!!
So music still plays a huge role in my being. It is constantly playing when I am driving, or writing. It is playing when I go to bed, and wakes me in the morning. I think about music all the time. Every few years, I write a bunch of songs. I am not as desperate for the inspiration, but still feel the joy of transcendence when I hear the songs in my head.
I have decided to start playing open mics regularly again. I will need to face my stage-fright and self-doubt (which may be the same thing). I have found a venue in town that fits in with my schedule (time and location) and my lovely wife has signed off on my taking a night every other week to go and play. Another chapter begins!!! It is never too late to follow your dreams, my friends. Even if I don’t make a career out of it, music will course through my veins till the day I die. My heaven will ROCK!!!!!