How many morality tales have we seen in our lives? Between books, movies, and TV, we have all seen thousands, and they are all bullshit, my friend.
I know that sounds like a harsh way to look at things, but it is true, and I will attempt to prove it.
I want you to think about all the major jerks you have spent a significant amount of time with in your life. Did any one of them ever have an “A-Ha, I’m an asshole, I need to change” moment like the typical morality-tale antagonist has in movies that makes them a better person? I’m guessing the answer is no. That’s because it doesn’t happen. Ever.
The morality tales have been selling us hope of instant, 180 degree change for years. It is nothing but shit on a shingle. This hope only serves to placate the masses by tricking them into thinking those moments happen all the time. It drugs them into feeling good about those moments on the screen and hoping they will happen in their lives. They don’t. That is because the viewers are looking outward, to whom they believe need to have an “A-Ha moment” and change, and do not internalize the experience themselves.
You see, you cannot change anyone….not by force, or pleading, withholding sex, viewing morality tales, guilting, or any other means. The asshole has to change his/herself. And that starts with the internalization of a need to change. Then and only then, over much time (and with professional assistance), can that person begin to exhibit meaningful, positive change.
I have broken bread with monsters. Truly, evil monsters.
These people (monsters) are so tainted that they function at an almost animalistic level, barely aware of their existence, let alone the pain and suffering they heap on those around them. There is no hope for these people. They are too far gone, like a pack of feral cats. Do not try.
If this is the description of your father, mother, husband, wife, brother, sister or child, the breaking-off is excruciating. But know that the “sorry, I was wrong” will never come in any kind of meaningful way. Only in the “I’ll change if you stay” type manipulation will you hear the words your heart desires. These words, also, are shit on a shingle.
Those so beaten down by abusive monsters fall for these words over and over.
And feel guilt for doing so.
Monsters are cunning.
Monsters cannot change.
Monsters will not change.
Monsters kill you.
The only hope is to distance yourself from monsters and seek help. Get the right counselor and start building a new, different, self-reliant, strong self. It is slow-going. There are many A-ha moments, but they are small. Each one builds on the one before; but, before you know it, you have figured out a lot. You may even forgo buying shit on a shingle the next time it is offered for sale.
This is truly rewarding: realizing you are stronger than you ever imagined, standing tall to face each storm head on, daring it to blow you down, knowing that now, you are rooted deep and will not waver.
This is the true A-Ha moment, and I’m not selling snake-oil here!