The Advice I Get

I know I have been harping the subject of  NPD abusers as of late, and I promise this is the last for a while. I have a ton of anger associated with this subject. My Original Abuser (OA)  has NPD. It is my family illness. It goes back generations and has infected hundreds in several states. As my counselor says, either you become one, or you become the antitheses of one. I am the latter. It seems to be my own personal hell to constantly come in contact with others with this disorder…girlfriends, teachers, bosses. In all this time dealing with them, I have one nagging question:

How Do I Beat Them?

The answers I have come across in my research make me angrier. The solutions, according to experts and bloggers alike are exactly what I don’t want to do. And all solutions are variations on the same theme…so there is only one real recommendation:

Pacify your abuser.

I don’t want to. I want that fucker to go down in shame as the light-of-day shines on his/her indiscretions. I want them hauled out in a white jacket and taken to a padded cell.

Play your abuser’s game. Get to know his/her moods.

I have done this too long. It makes me feel fake. I am lying to save my own ass. Why does the abuser get to act however he/she wants? Why do I have to strategize?

Drop a compliment now and then to make the abuser feel good about him/herself.

NO NO NO. I have played this game many times in order to survive. Every time, I end up getting worn-down emotionally. The game has its consequences for me as little pieces of my soul are chipped away every time I kiss that NPD butt.

I have not figured out the answer. However, the recommendations out there suck. Unfortunately, they seem to be the only thing going.

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About ~Drew

I am a survivor of childhood torture. Each day, I put one foot in front of the other, moving forward. To do any less would spell my own destruction. My music/poetry/prose deal with the devastating effect of this kind of abuse on a human being: me. My experiences/thoughts/ideas/misconceptions are exposed here for all to see. Here. I am lain bare, naked, hidden only be the cloak of anonymity.
This entry was posted in abuse, coping, NPD: Narcissitic Personality Disorder, psychology and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Advice I Get

  1. Mia says:

    Drew, I am in complete agreement with you. To pacify the abuser or play the game seems like the worst thing you can do-isn’t that more or less enabling them to carry on as before? I wonder if it would be possible to take them on, maybe in short, sharp bursts of confrontation with certain truths, than beat a hasty retreat? Followed by a repeat. In any case I wouldn’t try it with my NPD abuser just yet, but it’s a thought I’ll hang on to.

  2. Mia says:

    I’ve just realised that I’m still in denial. I only found out my parent had NPD a few days ago. I’ll just keep repeating the mantra “I can”t cure it.” It will eventually sink in.

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