The Greatest Fear of All

Children raised by NPD parents have one great fear, being found out: being found to have adverse feelings about the abuse, having the audacity of calling it abuse in the first place, and/or seeking help for the psychological damages of said abuse (because the abuser fears being talked about).

We live in fear of being found out to have crossed these lines. It sounds silly, I know. But we have been systematically programmed to think this way. We the abused must protect our abusers and the secret of our abuse at all cost. It is a fucked up way to live, I assure you, and one that is not easily “fixed.” It cannot be explained to an outsider (someone not raised by an NPD parent). We have been brainwashed to reflect the identity of our abuser, and not have an identity of our own.

When we step out of the shadow of the abuse, and begin to assert our own identity, we became a colossal threat to the abuser. At that moment, we become part of the global conspiracy to bring them down. You are part of it. Me too, when I try to be a person of my own.

When an NPD abuser feels threatened, s/he will do anything to bring you down to your knees. It is only when the abused is back in the role created by the abuser, the world becomes safer for him/her. The attacks are vicious. Anything said to the NPD abuser in confidence will be dragged into the light, lit on fire, and thrown at the TNT of your soul. There is no end to how ugly an NPD abuser will become.

I have lived through this 1000 times over. I can hear the question, “Why not tell your abuser to go to hell?” Great question….because I fear what s/he will do. When the ultimate betrayal happens, the abuser will go after your life, livelihood, family, in-laws, friends, job, etc. There is no line that will not be crossed. You see, the NPD abuser only respects lines they draw. I have learned by experience to hide.

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About ~Drew

I am a survivor of childhood torture. Each day, I put one foot in front of the other, moving forward. To do any less would spell my own destruction. My music/poetry/prose deal with the devastating effect of this kind of abuse on a human being: me. My experiences/thoughts/ideas/misconceptions are exposed here for all to see. Here. I am lain bare, naked, hidden only be the cloak of anonymity.
This entry was posted in abuse, C-PTSD, NPD: Narcissitic Personality Disorder and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Greatest Fear of All

  1. oh boy do i know what you mean…it took me years to start my blog, because i was afaid they would find it..now i don’t care if they do…i am so glad i took back my power on that! i moved far away from them to, which has been wonderful. i am not longer expected to be at family gatherings and put on a happy face and pretend everything is perfect and we are good little Christians..

  2. ~Drew says:

    I am going through the discovery phase right now…. as I am coming off my meds. It may be a bumpy ride!

  3. Pingback: The Advice I Get | U Keep Walking Forward

  4. Pingback: A Blessing and a Curse, and the Reverse | U Keep Walking Forward

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