Ready for a ride??? I just read Characteristics of Narcissists by Anonymous and pow! was I ever right back in it again.
This is as close as I have ever seen to a complete picture of my childhood. A few details are not applicable, but otherwise this is how I lived every day for 18 years…. and them some after 18. Even this week, I dealt with a few of these…getting emotionally battered during a 90 min conversation.
She terrorized. For all abusers, fear is a powerful means of control of the victim, and your narcissistic mother used it ruthlessly to train you. Narcissists teach you to beware their wrath even when they aren’t present. The only alternative is constant placation. If you give her everything she wants all the time, you might be spared. If you don’t, the punishments will come. Even adult children of narcissists still feel that carefully inculcated fear. Your narcissistic mother can turn it on with a silence or a look that tells the child in you she’s thinking about how she’s going to get even.
The more of these characteristics are going on at one time, the more the whirl wind spins till you don’t know what side is up.
Narcissists are masters of multitasking as this example shows. Simultaneously your narcissistic mother is 1) Lying. She knows what she did was wrong and she knows your reaction is reasonable. 2) Manipulating. She’s making you look like the bad guy for objecting to her cruelties. 3) Being selfish. She doesn’t mind making you feel horrible as long as she gets her own way. 4) Blaming. She did something wrong, but it’s all your fault. 5) Projecting. Her petty, small and childish behavior has become yours. 6) Putting on a self-pitying drama. She’s a martyr who believed the best of you, and you’ve let her down. 7) Parentifying. You’re responsible for her feelings, she has no responsibility for yours.
It takes a big investment for someone to get the entire picture. The vastness of the misery is not for the faint of heart.